Strange Decision

Ameen left Petra`s mountain behind, left her city, her country and turned back to Istanbul in the same illegal way he came. He could no longer stay in Turkey either, there were too many great memories that were like knives in his heart. He walked along all their places one more time, said goodbye to all of them, then he travelled home. He knew that he had to go on somehow, but it was damned hard. Everything reminded him of Petra, his whole existence was going round and round and he just could not get out of this circle that was slowly driving him crazy, pushing him to the border between normality and insanity. He did not feel complete. Because he was not complete. He sent back the money he borrowed and he hoped that after he would get back the necklace, he would be better. He got the necklace, but that did not bring the calmness he was waiting for.
After a while he started dating Ghadeer again. The girl was in heaven knowing that the western enemy was finally gone, out of her life, out of their lives. She was happy and wanted to make Ameen the happiest man on earth too. They spent more and more time together, and their family were happy for them. But then something happened. Ghadeer told Ameen she loved him, and he answered: "I love you too Petra".
As he realized what he said, he started to cry. Ghadeer knew what was going on. She knew very well.
"You can not get over her, do you?" - she asked.
Ameen did not say a word. He felt like hell. He did not want to hurt her. But he did.
"Listen to me Ameen. I am in love with you, but I am a woman with dignity. I do not want to share you with anybody, even if it is just a fantasy. I tried, but I can not live like this. And one more thing: she has no idea what she dropped away. And you do not know either."
She left the room and never came back again.
Ameen stood in his room for a while. He could not believe what happened, but he took it as a sign. This was the reality. He was not ready to be with anybody else. Petra was still very alive in his mind, in his heart. Maybe if he would want, he could have get her out from there somehow. But he did not even want.
He started to learn her language. It was much harder than he thought, but day by day he was making progress. Ummi asked him why he needed that strange language. He told her he wanted to leave. To Petra`s country, after graduation. She was devastated. She felt like loosing her son. He was strange since he knew this mountain girl.
The last year at the university passed quickly. Some of the teachers told Ameen to stay there, he could have get a job there as an assistant, but he refused. He was determined to go to Petra`s mountain, find a job there and live where she wanted him to live. He had a hidden hope, a wish that he would meet her and maybe find some answers.
One day Babba woke him up for the first pray.
"Come on Ameen. We will go to pray."
After they returned from the mosque, Babba did not let him go back to sleep.
"Your mother told me you want to leave. Is that true?"
"Yes Babba."
"When you, your brothers and Iman were little, I had to make a hard decision. I had to choose between leaving my homeland and my entire life in Palestine, or staying there and put you all in danger. We left and came here. It was not easy. But I had to do it so you all could live safe, could learn and become who you are. But every day I think weather I choosed correctly or not. We do not really belong here, I never felt this place like being my home. Then I see your mother`s face, calm, smiling. She was never like this in Palestine. She was always scared, frightened. So when I see her like she is now, and when I see you all like you are now, I know I did what I had to do."
He went in the kitchen, made tea, then he lit up a cigarette and continued.
"I remember every day who I am, Ameen. I see all those people dieing day by day, some of them could be our relatives. Every day I think about all the injustice that has been done against our people, I feel guilty sometimes for not being there, maybe I could have done something. Then I think that no, there was nothing I or us could have done. Our Prophet tought us to good things, me and your mother wanted to raise you to be good Muslims. And I want you to do the same. You must follow your way, Allah will guide you, but never forget where you came from."
"I will not,Babba."
Ameen knew very well what Babba ment. He would never forget where he was coming from, and he would never forget this conversation either. He held him and knew he had his blessing.