Big Dreams and One Little Song

Every single moment was very important to them. They knew that for them every minute was like a week or a month for others. They wanted to put as much as they could into the time they had. When they called their family to let them know everything was OK, they smiled to each other, they held each others hands, they caressed each other, so every minute, every second could be lived properly. They could not afford to loose these few minutes because they knew that after this week they would give their all just to have one more minute, or even just for half of it. It is almost unbelievable how precious can be an innocent minute when two people get so little of them. We ask somebody spontaneously to wait a minute, then often that minute becomes half of hour or more, and there is no problem, because there and then time has its normal value, not like for these lovers.

Ameen and Petra spent a lot of time at the seaside. At the Marmara Sea the time was one way different. It seemed that it stopped, that was why they loved that place. They were sitting at the seaside on a rock when a dirty Turkish boy went to them with a guitar, started to play on the strings and sing probably a love song. Ameen and Petra did not understand a word, so they just laughed. The boy was very concentrated with his singing. As he finally finished his serenade, Ameen asked him to borrow him the guitar for a few minutes. The boy gave it to him immediately. Ameen pulled his fingers on the strings but the voices were vanished by the sounds of the waves. He did this again and what came out was so beautiful that Petra could not do anything.

"What are you doing my dear?"

"I will play you a song that I wrote for you."

Your smile lays on my hands

Your tears are the stars themselves

The whole world is at my feet

As long as I watch you sleep.

In the darkness my pain screams

I want to touch your angel tears

There is no time, no space for me

The world is just us: you and me

Let me take your sufferance

Let me scream I love you

Let me be your home, your shadow

Let me take care of you.

All those tears are like pearls for me

Like every word that comes from you

Your place is in my arms, always beside me

So let me take care of you.

Let me take your sufferance

Let me scream I love you

Let me be your home, your shadow

Let me take care of you.

I will be your shelter in the rain

All the troubles will be miles away

No matter what, I will stay

Oh girl, we are the same.

Petra could not say anything. She just stood on a rock and let her tears flow and melt into the sea. The sun shined on the guitar strings and Ameens eyes and the girl was just looking at this endless tenderness and happiness that was right there at her feet. Ameens song could not be hears anymore but it was alive in Petra, she did not know then yet, but this song never quit existing in her. She locked in her heart these guitar accords as those embraced the waves. The sounds played in the rhythm of her heart and she kept saying that yes, she wanted this boy to take care of her, she needed him to take care of her, him and nobody else but him.

Ameen gave back the guitar to the Turkish boy and he walked away. They remained at the seaside and let the silence embrace them. They were looking at each other and saw their whole life in each others eyes. Ameen saw as Petra was waiting for him to come home every evening, kissing him as he comes in, then they sit at the table and she asks him how his day was, and when they go to bed, they hold each other. He saw as they play with their children, how they talk to them, how they go to trips, they visit his parents, Petra's parents, how they breath together the fresh air in Petra's mountains and let the wind caress their faces.

Petra saw how Ameen keeps her in his arms every day, how he looks at her as to a treasure, how he brings her flowers or how he simply takes the garbage, or asks her what shirt should he wear. They saw little things what composed their life as a puzzle.

"Ameen, what is that you want very much in life?" - asked Petra.

"You."

'I know. But you already have that. What else do you want very much?"

Ameen looked deep in the sea, his face changed a little, then he said:

"I am Palestinian. You know how my people lives. There is a refugee camp in Irbid too. I go there sometimes, but I become very sad every time I am there. Ill children, invalid grown ups, starvation, dust. This is there. There is no proper medical care, nor enough school. On the faces of the people who live there men can see only desperation. Even the smallest light of hope is gone in the eyes of the people from there. The men stay in front of the so called houses, the eyes of women are always floating in tears, the children are running in the dust. Probably they still hope. But until when? I tell you. Until they realize how small their chances are to live a life what we call a normal life.

Once when I was there, a woman was crying for her dead child. He died because he could not get a vaccine. Because they did not have any for him. Because these people are always on the last place. This is the last day where the medicine will arrive. I wanted so much to tell her something, but I could not. She was the one who talked: „It hurts me so much that my child died. It is like half of my heart is dead, the other half is alive for the boy I still have. But I am glad he does not have to grow up here in this dirty, damned place. I am sure that up there he is much better. Allah takes care of him.” Allah akbar – I told her. It will be different here too. „Mataa? Mataa? Mataa?” - she kept asking. I could not answer that. She saw the pain in my eyes as I stood there and I could not do anything. „Fee aman Allah” - she said, then turned and went away.

Can you imagine how much it hurted me that i could not do anything? It is my people Petra. My blood. I am lucky. But I know that the woman could have been Ummi and the dead boy any of my brothers, or me."

Petra held him tight.

"-Come here" – she said. "I try to understand this. You know, I also live in minority in my country. Of course it is different. But I want you to know that I am beside you in everything, so in this too."

"No Petra, you do not know. I have no idea what is that I or we could do. I do not want you to see that life. It is better if you do not see how dispered and hopeless those people are."

Tears were flowing on Ameen`s face. Petra wanted to tell him something that would have make him feel better but all the thoughts and all the word lost somewhere inside her. She simply just held him, but this was more than enough.

"And you? What is your big dream?" - he asked.

"I want a true home. Warmness, love. Where we can spend peacefully Christmas, Ramadan. I want a big living where I can write. I want to publish a book which could show the world that Islam and Christianity are not enemies. I want an Arabic and a European room in the house. And I want all these at my mountains. I do not want to leave my mountains."

"Petra, you are afraid of moving in my country, is that right? You try to pass over the image given to you and all European people by the western media, but it is not easy, am I right?"

"Yes. I could not live as the laws from they would expect from me. I am a free woman who wants to walk on the streets, talk to people, drive the car, work and dress as I wish."

"Hm..." - smiled Ameen.

"What is it? Why are you laughing?"

"I do not laugh. I just stay silent and smile. I know you Petra. I know what kind of girl you are and believe me, I do not want to stop you in anything. If you want so, i am ready to leave my old life behind and move with you between your mountains."

"Really? We could live there?" - she asked surprised.

"Of course my dear. I do not care where am I as long as you are with me, I do not care where I wake up as long as you are beside me, I do not care what else I see as long as I see your eyes too."

There was an endless peace on Petras face. Disapered even that sparkle little doubt that she still had in the deepest part of her heart. She was perfectly sure that Ameen would do anything for her. She felt that what was between them became stronger. She let him took her in his arms and she looked the waves and did not say anything. They both smiled. There were many thoughts and feelings in their minds and hearts but all these ended in one melody. In the one played by Ameen a few hours ago. Petra was sure that she would let Ameen take care of her. And the boy also knew that. Just like the rocks at the seaside which were watching them.