Kind of Epilogue

Ummi put the plate on the middle of the table. She cooked dawali, Ameen`s favourite food. It is rice with tomato sauce and chicken. Then she just stood at the door and watch her family. They were all there around the table. All her children with their families. It was a great view. She could stay and just look forever. They were all happy. Finally she saw happiness on Ameen`s face too. Petra was the newest member, but they all knew she would be a part of the family forever. They loved her, especially after they told their remarcable story.
"Come Ummi stay beside Babba, let`s eat." - said Iman.
"I am so happy we are all together." - answered Ummi.
"Shokran for leting me come here and have the Eid lunch with you." - said Petra.
"You are our daughter. You are where your place is." - Babba said.
"It is the best Eid we ever had. Eid mubarak (happy Eid)" - said Ameen.

It was hard to say goodbye to all those people who fulfilled her life in the past years. At the airport there was Ummi, Babba, Azra and the others too. She took a deep breath, felt the smell of the desert, that specific smell she got used with. The dry wind caressed her face, and a piece of her shal got down, letting her hair flow into her eyes. She had sadness and happiness in her soul in the same time. But she got her heart back, and this was not where her heart had to be. She had to return to her mountain. There were so many nights when she dreamed of the mountain, and now, when she was on her way back to it, a strange feeling crossed her whole body and mind, a feeling she knew she had to explain somehow to herself. It was all about the two worlds. The two worlds that in fact does not exist. There is just one. And there was no war. Never. The only war was in her heart, she had to fight only with herself.
Petra held Ummi and Babba, kissed their hands and thanked them for raising Ameen the way they did, then held Azra.
"You deserve this Petra. You and Ameen deserve happiness. You are not human. What you did is more than anybody could imagine. But now it is time for the two of you to enjoy each other. I will miss you."
"We will come to visit you. Take care of yourself, of your family and the kids from the camp."
"I will. Now go. Fee aman Allah."
Maybe this was the way things had to happen. True things never die, and there was only one truly true thing. Love. All the others were simple inventions of her mind. All the sleepless nights, all those tears, pain, fears she had...it was only in her imagination, none of them were true, so none of them would reach eternity. Just love.
They had to do all this way, to grow up, to understand the existance itself so they could enjoy each other. It was not easy, but as they looked in the other`s eyes, they both felt that it was worth.
Ameen held his parents and told them that from that day on they would never have to worry about him anymore. He knew that was impossible, because that is how parents are, but he also knew that Ummi and Babba wanted him happy, and if that happiness is somewhere far away, between some mountains, they knew that Ameen was doing the right thing. They were proud of their son and proud of Petra too. Ummi`s eyes were full of tears, but these tears were not like the ones she had years ago, when she saw his son suffering. These were tears that were hiding hope, a hope that soon she and Babba would take their flight to see their grandchild.

"Last call for the passagers of the flight 1054 to Bucharest, Romania" -they heard.

"It is time to go hayaty." - Ameen said.
"Naam..." - answered Petra.

The plane started its flight. Ammen and Petra were looking out on the window. They saw the family a little as they stood there and were looking up to them, then they were upon Amman. They looked at the minarets, the houses with flat roofs, the giant flag, then it all became a huge sandy land.

Ameen held Petra`s hand. They looked deeply in each other`s eyes and knew that from that moment on nothing on earth or beyond it could ever keep them apart.
"And now what?" - Petra asked.
"Maybe we should go back to Istanbul, to get back what we left there."
"Only after we climb the mountain in Brasov and have that kiss we dreamed about for so many years."

7 Years Later

"Good morning, teacher Petra" - said the children in a chore as she entered the classroom.
"Good morning children." - she said on the same calm voice she always had. "Is there somebody who has no homework? No? Good. Then lets practice the colors. What is ahmar in English?"
"Red."
"Akhdar?"
"Green."
"Burtukhaali?"
"Orange."
"Banafsaji?"
"Purple."
"Bunni?"
"Brown."
"Yes. I see all of you learned the lesson. Now as a reward we will go out and continue the lesson there, where we will learn about cities, mountains, seas."
Petra loved her job. It was not easy, but she always managed to make these suffering children smile. And behind this there was a well defined aim. To change something through education. She knew that all the people who lived in the refugee camp loved her, although they all looked strangely at her at the beginning. But now it was all different. She entered in their heart and the parents knew that their children are in good hands with her.
Sometimes she missed her home, her mountain, but it all passed as some children came to her to ask something. She did what she had to do. Ameen`s dream was to help these people, so it was no question about staying or leaving. Of course she missed Ameen, she hoped she would meet him by chance, she did not understand why the boy never came to the camp. Maybe because it would have remind him of the times they had together, or maybe he got married and already had children...
But she continued to look up to the sky every night at exactly 10 o`clock, sometimes she felt Ameen, saw his face, other times she did not. But there was not even one night when she went to sleep without telling him goodnight and that she never stopped loving him. And every night she apologized, and hoped that someday he would be able to forgive her.
Petra never tried to convince anybody to become a Christian, but she did not converted to Islam either. She used to wear shal not to make the others feel bad, she knew that she does not have to wear it.
Azra helped her in everything, she was so determined to make the life from the camp better, as Petra was. But after a while she got married and one year later she had a baby. Petra knew that she would have much more work, but there was nothing else in her life, so she was happy for her dear friend and did her job too without complaining. The relationship between them did not change after Azra`s marriage, and she was glad for that. Her husband was very kind, he understood that these two women has to talk a lot, and has to be together at least one hour every day.
Every time they were sad because one thing or another that happened in the camp, they said that many years ago Aisha did it all alone, so they can do it also. This gave them power to go on.

The months passed one after the other on the other side of the planet too, so did the seasons. Ameen lost the notion of time, he just noticed that the mountain changed its dress from deep green to a colorful, then it became naked before becoming a bride, then it had the green dress again. He looked at the mountain every day, and he hoped that one day he would see Petra there. By chance. But he never did. "Maybe she lives in another city by now, has children..." - he thought.
He worked at the local university and tough Arabic language. He loved his job, he spent most of time there, helped his students. But there was one question that the students and the other teachers asked, a question he hated so much and wanted to avoid all the time: "What made you come here?" He invented all kind of reasons, some of them could be believed, others not, but he did not care. Sometimes he was thinking of dating somebody, having a family like most of people have, but when he saw the mountain, it all disappeared as fast as it came. He could not imagine anybody beside him if that person was not Petra. But he did not even want to vanish those feelings he had for her, he tried to see her face in everybody and everything, and he kept looking at the picture they took in Istanbul, the picture that was full of love. Every time he took it in his hands, he felt like being there again, touching her hand, kissing her lips...
The Big Eid was coming soon so he decided that after 7 years of being apart from his family, it was time to go home, visit them. He missed his family, he missed everything that was his world, but the feelings he had at the mountain`s feet were even stronger, that was why every time he hesitated, the decision was always to stay. But now that he had enough money, and knowing that his parents wait for him for so long, he thought that it was the time to go home for a while.


His family was waiting for him at the airport in Amman, and as he got out, he heard the call for the pray. "It reminds me five times per day who I really am" - he was thinking. He missed that sound. And he missed the desert wind that caressed his face and entered deep in him, till his bones, and he felt that it was carrying him somewhere far, behind the huge amount of sand, behind the lost city of Petra, behind all the houses with flat roofs, on a place that could easily be the wonderland from the fairy tales, it was carrying him home. His breath was full of all kind of smells he did not felt while he was away, the smell of sweet perfume combined with the smell of Arab food and baklava, all melted in the endless joy of meeting his family again.

Everybody was there, not just the very close family, but aunts, uncles. They all wanted to see Ameen, they all wanted to ask him so many things. Some of them came with flowers, and everybody talked in the same time. He did not know where to look, who to hold. Then finally after almost an hour of welcome wishes he was in the car with Babba, Ummi and his brothers, on his way home to Irbid. The 80 kilometers road seemed like eternity to him. He wanted to answer all their questions, but in the same time he wanted to just look out on the window and watch the landscape. That monotone, colorless landscape he hated so much and the one that became wonderful now that he did not see it for so many years. When they were at Philadelphia University, he remembered his student years, his professors, how he hated the military course, his friends from there, and he remembered Ghadeer. He smiled and almost saw her face as she was looking deep in his eyes, how she always listened to him while he was talking about Petra. "She has a golden soul" - he thought. "I hope she has a good life now. A husband who takes care of her and gives her all she deserves, the life she wanted beside me, but I could have never give her." Then the road continued through empty mountains and valleys with a few Bedouin tents. The rocks were as he left them, empty, only with a few green spots on it. His heart beated fast all the way. After they left Jarash, the road became short till Irbid, and he felt it passed in a few minutes. The house had the same smell he knew very well, a specific smell of cinnamon combined with mint and a little curry. It was good to be home.

The first few days passed instantly. Everybody came to see him, all the relatives and friends. It was good meeting them all again, it was like time had stopped in the day he left, and now everything just took its course from where he left it. In the nights he went out in the city, to see all those places he loved, the University Street with that little coffee shop at the corner... Everything was the same, and passing by them, he felt that he was the same too. The years he spent far away disappeared in a minute, he felt like he was still a student, the boy who lives in Irbid with Ummi and Babba.

One day he went to the refugee camp, to see if anything changed there, or it was all the same. He was thinking of the people who were living there for many times. It was his people, his blood, he could not stay without feeling at least compassion. He hoped he would see that woman again, whose child died, and he hoped that she would give him good news about the other child she had. Good news about a better future. He took some candies with him to give to the kids and went to the camp. As he got there, he noticed that a few houses were renewed, and a school was built too. He was glad to see that. "It is a start..." - he thought. When the kids saw that he gave them candies, all of them surrounded him, talking loud, laughing, jumping. Ameen asked them to show him the new school. Of course the children were very happy to do that, so he went in surrounded by little boys and girls, all with candies in their mouth. He was welcomed by Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Aladin and others from fairy tales, all painted on the big white walls. They entered in one classroom, and in that moment time indeed stopped. There was a girl dressed in jeans and a purple blouse, having a shal on her head, a shal that he knew very well. The classroom was full of a smell he thought he forgot, lily of the valley. Ameen stood there like a piece of stone and could not believe what was there in front of him. When the girl turned to see what that big noise was, she felt that the solid ground she stood on became unstable, the room started to go round and round, she could not hear the children`s laugh anymore, she did not even see anymore, she just sat on the chair.

"Petra?" - he asked, but nothing else could come out from his mouth, he felt only the salty taste of the tears that did not want to stop. Then she got up and went to him, took his hand and pressed it to her chest.
"Do you feel this? It is your heart beating in my chest, that is why I am here. It belongs here. This is its home."
"I can not believe this hayaty. I lived beside your mountain for 7 years. That means more than 2500 days when I hoped every second that it was not over, that I would see you, maybe just by chance. And in all this time..."
"Yes...I was here. To fulfill your dream."
Ameen took her in his arms and did not want to let her go. He held the treasure of his life, all the hopes, dreams, wishes became reality, it all had sense again after so many years, when so many things around them changed, when the seasons came one after the other, following their natural course, when the whole world was running and changing with the speed of light. Of course they changed too in some points. Some grey hair, some wrinkles, but the love they felt for each other, that did not change, that did not become less or did not loose anything from its intensity. They were alive again. It was like a dream, but the loud laugh of the children made them understand that it was real.
"Teacher Petra and the candy man are kissing in the school!" - some of them shouted while running through the camp.
"Matha? (What?) Allah answered to my prays" - said Azra surprised and ran to the school.

New Home

As the plane landed Ameen felt something really strange. He wanted to call Petra, to tell her that he was there in her country, that he was ready to start the life they once planned, that this time he was going to stay there forever. As he walked in the airport and saw the people embracing on the terminals, he could not control himself anymore and let those tears that wanted to come out for so long to flow on his face. It was almost 7 o`clock in the evening and he wished he could hear the call for the pray. But he did not. There was no mosque there. In fact there was nothing from the world he was used with. He had to admit that he let it all behind. He wanted to have at least one thing that was sure, one point that he could start from, but all he felt was a big emptiness. He was alone in the middle of nowhere, in a country where he was just an Arab, a woman beater, a terrorist. He knew it would be a long road convincing these people that he does not want to kill anybody, that he has no bomb under his shirt.
He went out and felt the cold weather freezing even his bones. It was not like home and it was not like when he illegally came here either. Then he was like a stone, he did not care about anything, de did not feel anything but the endless pain Petra caused. But now it was much different. More than one year passed and things were clear in some points of view.
"Maybe I should have call her then. Maybe we would still have a chance. Who knows?" - he thought. "But now it is too late. It is not worth. I will just live the days with what those bring to me. She would say the same."
He went to the railway station and bought a ticket to Petra`s city. When he saw the mountain, it was like being home. He smiled for the first time he landed in this country. It was like returning after a journey, and he did no longer feel the cold october wind.
He called the man who borrowed him money, the one who took the necklace from Petra, then sent it back. He was also a Palestinian, but lived in Petra`s country for many years. He had a business and hired Ameen. In a few days he found an appartment he rented and started to arrange it as he and Petra planned on that special night in Istanbul. He painted the walls to purple in the kitchen, bought black and white furniture and colored cups. Then he started to decorate the Arab room - as she said. He put a sadejah (carpet used for the pray) on the wall, a water pipe on the table and a color lamp from home beside the bed. He knew there were other details too specified by Petra but he did not remember them all.
"We should have done this together hayaty. U would know better what to do. Off, ween enty?" (where are you)
He had to take care of himself, he was totally alone, had to do everything on his own, he had to face the reality which was cruel. The people were not very kind to him, called him terrorist my his back. He knew that, he felt it every day, every step.
But he always remembered Babba`s words. He did not want to become a European, he was proud of being Palestinian, Arab, Muslim. He also remembered Petra`s words, how she wanted him to come to her city with all he had and all he was. She never wanted to change him, then why did others, strangers?
One day he saw an announce that the local university was searching for an Arab assistant. It was a sign he had to follow, a sign that he had to remain who he was.

Pain and Satisfaction

When she arrived at the airport, a woman was waiting for her. Her name was Azra, and she wore a black hijab, just like most of the Arab women. She welcomed her very warmly and Petra felt from that moment that she was in the right place. They made the 80 kilometers road with Azra`s car, an old green Kia. Petra was excited about her new job, a volunteer. But first she wanted to see the landscape. The road had many curves through mountains and valleys. Everything was empty. Without trees, without woods. But it all was very familiar to her. She knew these places. She had a strange deja vous, it seemed all very familiar to her, she knew this road, she even felt that she could find the refugee camp alone too.
After a while they entered Irbid and Petra kept looking out on the window.
"Is there everything all right?" - Azra asked.
"Naam, ana bas tabaani (yes, I am just tired)" - she answered and smiled to her.
Then she put her purple shal on her head.
"I did not know you want to wear a shal"
"Azra, could you stop the car a little, please?
Azra stopped and Petra got out. They were on the University street. Petra knew this place very well and remembered that specific night in Istanbul when she had her imaginary trip here, when she met in her imagination three people, Sahaar, Samaa and that rude boy, Jamal. She was searching for something. Well, for somebody. She wanted to look at everybody on the street, and she hoped for a well known face, well known eyes. Azra knew that there had to be something so she invited Petra to a coffee.
"I have been here, Azra. Wallah (I swear)."
"OK. You will spend a lot of time here with me, now please tell me what is going on with you."
Petra`s eyes were shining as she started to tell Azra her story. She felt she could have trust in her, she did not know why, she told everything. Starting with that autumn afternoon, continuing with Istanbul, the shal, the rings, the months after their perfect week, and how stupid she was for giving up, the letter she wrote to Ameen and how the boy respected her wish and did not disturb her. Then she told Azra about how the feelings she had did not stopped and she decided to come here to make Ameen`s dream come true.
"I thought things like this happen only in Hollywood movies." - said Azra and she was visibly surprised of all she heard. "We have to find this guy, your Ameen. Do you know where he lives here?"
"Yes. But how can I just go there? I do not think it is a good idea."
"Come on Petra. I will pay, you go and get in the car."
"Go straight, then turn to left, then you will see the Hussein bus station. Two more houses and there it is."
Azra stopped the car. But Patra got into panic, she felt bad, and asked Azra to drive away.
"Just go Azra. It was a mistake coming here. Please, just drive and I tell you now that I do not want to discuss about Ameen, nor about this night anymore. Never."

The months passed and Petra got used with the life she choosed. She lived in the camp, in a little room, but it was enough for her. Her Arabic became better day by day. She used to talk a lot with the women from the camp, tried to understand not just their lives as Muslim women, but their lives as refugees too. They were all Palestinians from Gaza. The Jordanian government gave them refugee status, so they were happy that they did not have to see all the blood that flew in the streets of Gaza. On their faces was desperation, fear of the day that would come. But also a sparkle of hope that some day they would return to their home.

Petra tried to do what her majesty Quenn Rania Al Abdullah wanted to do, to convince these people that they have a better chance for another life by education. She was a teacher at the school, but she also wanted to make the women from the camp to learn. So she organized courses in the evening for women. At the beginning there were just a few, but after a while she had many students who wanted to know everything about the big world beyond the camp. Petra had satisfaction when two of her students decided to go to the University in Irbid. She helped them get a scholarship, and guided their way through the exams that were not easy at all.

But she also had to face things that deeply hurted her. One day a young woman came to her and asked her advice.

"My husband changed. He does not want to sleep with me anymore, he does not even touch me anymore, except when he beats me. I can not live like this, but I have no other chance either. My parents died in Gaza, I have nobody on earth. What can I do?" - and she started to cry.

Petra knew very well that she had no chance at all at that moment. She wanted to tell her to leave and never look back, but she knew that would mean death to this woman, so she had to try something else.

"I think you should talk to him. That is the only solution. Didn`t he tell you why is he like this?"

"Because we could not have a child till now. He wants a child, but a child does not come just like that. You know what I mean."

"Yes of course. But do you love him?"

"Yes. With all my heart."

"Then go home, cook his favourite food, you will get to his heart again through his stomach. Wear something nice and tell him what he means to you, tell him what the life itself means to you with him. At least try."

After 2 months the young woman was pregnant. She went to Petra and asked her to help her buy baby clothes when the time would come.

But it was not always a happy end. One day she ran out from her room because she heard a big noise, and a kid crying. He was about 8 years old. His mates were all beating him. He was full of blood when she finally managed to get him out from their hands, she took him to the nursery and after he calmed down, she asked him to tell what happened.

"They wanted to lit up a flag. Israel`s flag. And I told them that I do not want to do that. My mom told me that it is not a good thing doing that."

Petra could not say a word. She went out and drove to Irbid. Her tears were flowing as she entered the little Christian chapel.

"Why are you doing this, God? When will this end? How much blood has to flow, how many lives have to stop until you will do something? These kids are raised to continue the hate, the war. Why did you do that damned place at all? Who cares now, after thousands of years what Abraham did? But you are still concerned about that, I guess. And do not tell me you listen to my prays, because you do not. How do you want me to believe if you do not show any sign that you exist?"

She was on her knees and cried. She wished the ground would open right at that moment and take her into the depth of the earth. She was at the end of her powers and started to wonder if this whole thing of becoming a volunteer was a good thing or not. She remembered her family, her home, and she decided to leave this dusty place and go back to her mountain. While she was thinking of this, and was on her way to call her mother, she heard the call for the pray yelling from every minaret and she knew she had to stay.

The hardest period of the year for her was around Christmas. Then she remembered herself as a little girl, when she celebrated Christmas with her family. Every year her grandmother took her and her brothers to the church, and when they got home, the Christmas tree was made, with all the gifts under it. She missed the specific smell of Christmas, the food her mother cooked, the cookies. And the whole Christmas spirit, of being better, sharing love and peace. She had nothing of these here. But around this period of the year she sang Christmas songs, decorated her room and told herself Merry Christmas every year. And there was something else too. Azra came to her and gave to her little gifts and she used to say it was from Santa.

The Big Eid, which is an important religious holiday for Muslims had something of what Christians call the Christmas spirit, so Petra loved this holiday too. It is a 4 day celebration when the children get gifts, new clothes and everybody is visiting his/her relatives. It is a holiday when all the Muslims remember the sacrifice that Abraham was ready to do at God`s command, to kill his son, Ismael. When God saw that his faith was indeed so strong that he was ready to do that, he sent a beef to be killed instead of Ismael. So it is a holiday of sacrifice. In many places people still sacrifice domestic animals and divide them into three parts. One remains for the family, one is given to the relatives and one to the poor.

At Eid the people from the camp were also happy, everybody could see the joy on their faces. The kids wanted to show Petra their new clothes, and many families invited her to lunch, to be beside them on the holiday. She accepted all the invitations, though she always spent the first day of Eid at Azra. She was a family member there. Azra cooked very well, and Petra loved the Arab food, she loved how all kind of tastes were combined. At the beginning it was strange, but after a while she got used with these tastes.
She was happy there. Every evening she went out and looked at the sky and told Ameen everything that happened with and around her. She hoped he would listen. Sometimes she felt him as he came with the wind, kissed her and went forward. And she still had the rings on her finger.

Leaving the Mountains

Petra`s family was all gathered at her graduation. Everybody was proud of her for finishing the university.

"Mama, i am leaving." - Petra said.
"Out? Do not be late."
"Not out. I will go to Jordan. To the refugee camp."
"Petra, are you crazy? Do you know what people live there? Do you know that there is war?"
"I know what kind of people live ther, and there is no war. I can not stay here any longer. My place is not here anymore. I know you do not understand me now, but I will pray for you and I hope someday you will do."
"You will pray? To who? To which god? U think I do not see what you are doing? This whole Arab madness of yours is driving me crazy. I miss my old daughter. I want her back."
These words simply passed beside Petra`s ears. She was so determined to go that she did not care about anybody and anything. She learned Arabic so it could be easier for her in her new home. Of course she was a little afraid of her new life, she knew about the refugee camp. It was a place full of pain, sufference where the rays of happines were never there. But she wanted to help and this gave her strenght to go on. And what the most imposrtant was, she had to fulfill Ameen`s dream. She took it as she would not have any other choice. As the only possibility to stay alive was to go to Irbid.
It was not easy to say goodbye to everything that ment home for her since she was born. She knew she would miss her family, friends, and most of all, her mountain. She walked along the city and said goodbye to everything. There were many memories, some of them good, others not really. But the memories would go with her. She did not have to give up on her memories. So she packed them all and put them in the suitcase of her heart.
When the train started to move, she looked out, smiled to her family and was happy to start living in Ameen`s dream. "Goodbye my dears, goodbye my city, goodbye sweet mountain, goodbye you, my world" - she said to herself and looked up. "I am coming."

Strange Decision

Ameen left Petra`s mountain behind, left her city, her country and turned back to Istanbul in the same illegal way he came. He could no longer stay in Turkey either, there were too many great memories that were like knives in his heart. He walked along all their places one more time, said goodbye to all of them, then he travelled home. He knew that he had to go on somehow, but it was damned hard. Everything reminded him of Petra, his whole existence was going round and round and he just could not get out of this circle that was slowly driving him crazy, pushing him to the border between normality and insanity. He did not feel complete. Because he was not complete. He sent back the money he borrowed and he hoped that after he would get back the necklace, he would be better. He got the necklace, but that did not bring the calmness he was waiting for.
After a while he started dating Ghadeer again. The girl was in heaven knowing that the western enemy was finally gone, out of her life, out of their lives. She was happy and wanted to make Ameen the happiest man on earth too. They spent more and more time together, and their family were happy for them. But then something happened. Ghadeer told Ameen she loved him, and he answered: "I love you too Petra".
As he realized what he said, he started to cry. Ghadeer knew what was going on. She knew very well.
"You can not get over her, do you?" - she asked.
Ameen did not say a word. He felt like hell. He did not want to hurt her. But he did.
"Listen to me Ameen. I am in love with you, but I am a woman with dignity. I do not want to share you with anybody, even if it is just a fantasy. I tried, but I can not live like this. And one more thing: she has no idea what she dropped away. And you do not know either."
She left the room and never came back again.
Ameen stood in his room for a while. He could not believe what happened, but he took it as a sign. This was the reality. He was not ready to be with anybody else. Petra was still very alive in his mind, in his heart. Maybe if he would want, he could have get her out from there somehow. But he did not even want.
He started to learn her language. It was much harder than he thought, but day by day he was making progress. Ummi asked him why he needed that strange language. He told her he wanted to leave. To Petra`s country, after graduation. She was devastated. She felt like loosing her son. He was strange since he knew this mountain girl.
The last year at the university passed quickly. Some of the teachers told Ameen to stay there, he could have get a job there as an assistant, but he refused. He was determined to go to Petra`s mountain, find a job there and live where she wanted him to live. He had a hidden hope, a wish that he would meet her and maybe find some answers.
One day Babba woke him up for the first pray.
"Come on Ameen. We will go to pray."
After they returned from the mosque, Babba did not let him go back to sleep.
"Your mother told me you want to leave. Is that true?"
"Yes Babba."
"When you, your brothers and Iman were little, I had to make a hard decision. I had to choose between leaving my homeland and my entire life in Palestine, or staying there and put you all in danger. We left and came here. It was not easy. But I had to do it so you all could live safe, could learn and become who you are. But every day I think weather I choosed correctly or not. We do not really belong here, I never felt this place like being my home. Then I see your mother`s face, calm, smiling. She was never like this in Palestine. She was always scared, frightened. So when I see her like she is now, and when I see you all like you are now, I know I did what I had to do."
He went in the kitchen, made tea, then he lit up a cigarette and continued.
"I remember every day who I am, Ameen. I see all those people dieing day by day, some of them could be our relatives. Every day I think about all the injustice that has been done against our people, I feel guilty sometimes for not being there, maybe I could have done something. Then I think that no, there was nothing I or us could have done. Our Prophet tought us to good things, me and your mother wanted to raise you to be good Muslims. And I want you to do the same. You must follow your way, Allah will guide you, but never forget where you came from."
"I will not,Babba."
Ameen knew very well what Babba ment. He would never forget where he was coming from, and he would never forget this conversation either. He held him and knew he had his blessing.

Back on the Bosporus

Petra locked herself in her room for a week. All she did was thinking about Ameen. She was checking her phone 100 times per day, although she knew that Ameen was not like the boys she knew. She was sure that if she asked him not to write, he would not. But still...she hoped. She wanted to turn back time, she wished she never would have send him that idiot mail. But it was too late. She continued writing to him, she wrote him a few letters every day, letters that she knew she would never send. Her room was a huge mess where chaos was the master, just like in her soul.

The city was taking a bath in the sunshine, it was spring again. The streets, the buildings, and of course the mountain enjoyed the light and warm. "Everything borns again..." - Petra was thinking. "But what for? To die? Yes. To die. It is just like with the humans. We start dieing from the moment we born. Some of us slowly, others faster. And who cares? This whole shit called life is death itself. And still, we all want it all so badly. For what? I know. To hurt and be hurted. To try to do something while you understand that you are a piece of nothing floating upon the great words which never meant anything."

"Maybe I should have tried to get pregnant. That way things would have been different. No, what the hell am I thinking about?"

"I wonder where he is now..."

"The city I loved so much since I was a baby is not my home anymore. I hate it. And the mountain...I hate it even more and I swear I will not climb it again. Why should I? It ate my life..."

These thoughts continued flowing out from her. She was lost. She did not want to talk, eat, she did not want anything anymore. She did probably the mistake of her life. She felt like a murderer, she killed life itself, the chance to be with the only person she felt safe with, the only man who made her feel special, and the only one who was capable to be happy with.
"I have to go to Istanbul." - she thought and started to pack a few things. She put her shal on her head and went to buy a ticket.
All the way she was looking out but she did not see anything. She crossed her country but she had no idea where she was.
"The last piece of hay... Those who fall out from reality, hold on to this. Half of my last piece of hay are you. The other half does not exist." - she whispered again. "None of the half exists anymore. I do not have anything to hold on to. I killed it all." - she thought and looked at her hand. She still had the rings on her finger. Did not have strenght to take them off yet.

The bus arrived exactly when the call for the pray started. Petra was shivering. The "Allah Akbar" was like electricity crossing her body. She felt dizzy. She wanted it to stop so she can not hear it anymore. It was eating her neurons one by one.
"I need to see the Bosporus. To be in Asia again." - she thought and bought a one day ticket to the little ship.
Petra let herself cradled by the waves and stood in the ship for hours going to the Asian part of Istanbul, then back to the European one, then back again, and so on for many times. And she was singing the same song over and over again. "Baddy eyak, ma tetrekny habyby, danie balak sadeny ghareeby" (I want you, do not leave me my dear, life without you is strange, I swear).
Then she talked to the rocks, to the sea, told them everything about what happened. She blamed herself for everything, she was even thinking of jumping in the water. But then she heared the call for the pray again and she did not do that.
After some hours a man went and said:
"Miss, are you OK?"
"No."
"Can I help you? I noticed you do not want to get down from the ship."
"You noticed well. I do not. I want to stay here and die slowly. Is that a problem?"
The Turkish man smiled.
"You remind me of Coelho`s Veronica."
"Maybe I am Veronica and I want to die. But maybe I will not, because I am not from Ljubljana."
"You still have some humor, so I guess you will not kill yourself. May I invite you to a cup of tea? Maybe you want to talk. Come on."
"I do not need tea, and I do not want to talk."
"Is the problem really that big?"
"I killed myself and the person I loved the most on earth. And if I tell you everything, I will have to kill you too."
The Turkish man said something that Petra did not understand and left her there on the ship. And she continued singing. These little ships do not cross the Bosporus in the night, so in the end she had to get down. She went to the hotel where she was with Amenn and rent the same room. As she entered, she felt the perfume of the rose oil and let all her memories come back again. She drank a bottle of wine, smoked two packs of cigarettes and talked to her memories all night.

Petra was very close to insanity. She came back to this city searching probably for some answers she needed to find, but those were not here, but in the deepest parts of her soul. She only had to turn into herself and try to fix her broken heart. No city in the world could have bring her back to normality but her mind which was at that point full of ridiculous thoughts. She did all kind of things she rejected before, like locking, walking without any reason, letting tears flow without a break and without end. But who can blame anybody for doing this after all she and Ameen lived? She did not need anybody to feel sorry for her, she did not need the pity of the people around her. It was something she had to solve only with herself.
"Ameen, I do not want to leave. I will stay here in this room and wait for you. You will come back here, I know. Of course you will come. Like I did." - she finally fell asleep with these words.